When I had my dentist appointment last week, my mom came with me (it always makes things easier when you have motherly moral support!). Well, during her 2 1/2 hours of waiting, she read through the latest edition of Reader's Digest.
You know that slap-happy, everything is hysterical bug that explodes through your body at the most inappropriate, akward times? Well, apparently it joined mom in the waiting room with her Reader's Digest read. I could hear her laughing from the pateint room! She even called my sister on the phone to read her these hilarities :) I don't know if you'll laugh as hard as my mom did at these, but at least I hope they bring a smile to your face.
Or if you're like me, reading these things at work in the quite office, I hope the bug joins you :)
-A tour bus stops in Runnymede, England, and the guide says it was here that the Magna Carta was signed. "When did they sign it?" one passenger asks. "1215," the guide responds. "Dang! We missed it by 20 minutes." - William Ludewig
-It's really humid in the woods, so the two hiking buddies remove their shirts and shoes. But when they spot a sign saying "Beware of bears," one of them stops and puts his hoes back on. "What's the point?" the other says, "You can't outrun a bear." "Actually", says the friend, "all I have to do is outrun you." - Don Paquette
-I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, like they're supposed to be." - Hanan Rahman
-What did the airhead name her pet zebra? Spot. :)
-A group of guys are in the locker room when a cell phone rings. One of them picks it up.
Man: "Hello?"
Woman: "Honey it's me. Are you at the club?"
Man: "Yes."
Woman: "Well, I have news. The house we wnated is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
Man: "Well, then, go ahead and make an offer, but make it $1.2 million so we'll be sure to get it."
Woman: "Ok! I'll see you later. I love you!"
Man: "Bye. love you too."
The man hangs up. Then he asks, "Anyone know who's phone this is?"
-Denise Stewart
11 lovely comments:
Ok, I have 2! The first one is from Reader's Digest, and was the one that got me laughing so hard...probably from the 2 1/2 hour wait...oh, ho hum. Anyways, it is a picture of a classroom with a sign by the door that reads, "Welcome new members...'Socks Without Partners'." The room has a semi circle of chairs with a variety of different color and shaped socks, one sitting on each chair. They all have faces and one is speaking and he says, "The last thing I remember is being thrown into the dryer!" A tee hee hee! I still think this is soooo very funny...probably because that is how I in vision the collection of mis matched socks in my own drawer and what they are saying to one another...I know...a toy story thing.
Here is my second funry...as Kel would say.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Ezzer. Ezzer who? Ezzer Bunny!
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Nuzzer. Nuzzer who? Nuzzer Ezzer Bunny! :D
I know, you have heard it 1,000 x! Well, that's all I got! Thanks for all of your help to me these past few days...especially since you are on your sick bed! SEE, there IS a reason to keep your meds updated and free from the expiration dates! That is all I have to say about that...excuse me while I go and check my own! :D God Bless, Love, mom xooxoxoxox p.s. SOOOOO excited about the swap!
Funny stuff!
Ok .. here's mine - actually got it as an email yesterday ...
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at
the checkout, and she
turned to him and said,
'I hope I haven't made you
feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so
much like my late son.'
He answered, 'That's okay.'
'I know it's silly, but if you'd
call out 'Good bye, Mom' as
I leave the store, it would
make me feel so happy.'
She then went through the
checkout, and as she was on
her way out of the store, the
man called out, 'Goodbye, Mom.'
The little old lady waved,
and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought
a little sunshine into someone's
day, he went to pay for his groceries.
'That comes to $121.85,'
said the clerk.
'How come so much ..
I only bought 5 items..'
The clerk replied, 'Yeah,
but your Mother said
you'd be paying for
her things, too.'
I love RD and subscribe to it. I place it in my guest bathroom and get to read it whenever I visit.
They are VERY funny and if I were in one of those "moods", I would have been loud and histerical also!
My favorite was the one about the 1.2 million for the house - too funny!
I posted two but realized this might be funnier. I got it in an email. I should note that I am not a feminist or anything like that - I love my husband ;)
--------------------------------------
A SPANISH class teacher was explaining to her students that, in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
So, a student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should
definitely be of the feminine gender ('la Computadora'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be
masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won!
Lots of smiling going on! :o) Thanks!
The phone one got me laughing! The others, hmmm. Funny, but not call someoneo on the phone and share funny. Your mom is a hoot!
This one's from Reader's Digest. I'm not sure who submitted it, but here we go:
Our beloved dog had recently passed away. I tried to think of a gentle way to explain the loss to my 8-year old son. When he returned from school, I sat him down on the couch. I gently told him that Bailey had gone to dog heaven, where he could do his favorite thing...chase squirrels. His response? "So dog heaven must be the same as squirrel hell".
okay here it is:
Somewhere in a small little town inside a classroom he bell rang and the class was in session being taught by a substitute teacher. A student walks in very late and the teacher asks “who are you?” he said “I’m a student in this class sorry I’m late I was throwing pebbles in the lake” the teacher angrily tells him to take a seat. A few minutes after that another two students come in. The teacher asks “who are you guys?” they answer ” sorry we’re late we were throwing pebbles in re lake” the teacher has a questioning look on his face but says nothing and tells them to take their seats. Right after this happens another student comes in and he is soaking wet! The teacher exclaims “and who are you?” while thinking “why is this kid all wet?” the student responds, “I’m pebbles”
haha super hilarious
lc_intocable at yahoo.com
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